Discovering your emotional roots.

It is said that the first two years of one's life defines the emotional person you become.

I was fortunate enough to be relayed the events of what occurred around the time when my mother gave birth to me on 26 July 1965.  I being the eldest of five siblings was the only one born outside of the family home in District Six.  Three days after my birth my mother's sister died and as far as I know, she was unable to attend her funeral.

When my mother brought me home from the maternity home her uncle my grandmother's brother immediately took over looking after me. And so for the first five years of my life he could go nowhere without me by his side except for one day which I remember as though it was yesterday.  He left me at home to attend his best friend's funeral.  I stood at the closed front-door crying until he returned.  I could hear my mother calling from the kitchen for me to stop crying and telling me that uncle Tommy was going to come back. I think that was the first time I felt abandoned, well so I thought.  It was only when I was older and heard that uncle Tommy took care of me that I realised the first time I was abandoned was when my mother allowed my uncle to take over my life. (This is another story for another day)

Then before I turned five in 1970 uncle Tommy died in front of me. Not understanding death as I do now, I showed no emotion, except to understand many years later why I sucked my thumb for a very long time. Sucking my thumb was my comfort for dealing with the loss of my "parent".  When I told this story,not too long ago to a friend she asked me "so who took care of you after he died?"  I had to give it some thought as I did not remember and then it came to me that our neighbours, who had just recently had a baby after my uncle's death use to take me with them, and the baby use to suck his thumb, and that is how I picked up that habit.

Amazing how the Universe works, as the very next day after telling this story and coming to that realisation, I heard that the very baby who is now all grown up - Michael Cerfontyne had just launched his book - "The Burning Point".  I got in touch with him and made sure to order his book.  I blamed him for me sucking my thumb. Needless to say, we had a good laugh about it.

For most of my life I have felt abandoned. But when I look back at how far I have come, then all those moments that I felt alone, have prepared me for what I have had to deal with in the years that followed.

Building emotional barriers and coming across as being fearless are the coping mechanisms which have got me through many ordeals.

If you are fortunate enough to still have your parents around, or someone who remembers the time when you were born, then ask them to tell you all about the events that surrounded your birth up to the first two years of your life.  You will be pleasantly surprised to understand your emotional side.