At the edge of Despair

The following is inspired by all the times I felt I was alone and afraid.  This is dedicated to everyone who finds themselves at the edge of their despair.

Her bare, cut and bruised, clay dusted feet were aching from the long run through the rocky desert.  She had no idea where she was heading.  All she knew was that she had to get away from the evils that were chasing her.  Everything she owned from the shoes on her feet to the clothes on her back she had left it behind. 

There she was, naked, for all the world to see, but no one could see her, she was alone.  Alone in her mind, in her space, in her despair.  There was no way out, but to run, and run she did.

It was during the middle of the night that she had woken up to discover that she was alone with no one to depend on and no one to speak to.  'When did all this change', she thought to herself.  Nothing had really changed, she was always alone, it was just the reality that she had finally woken up to, that she was alone. 

Feeling overwhelmingly claustrophobic, she scrambled out of bed and ripping off her clothing, she ran for the door, as she needed to breathe.  She needed to feel the cool air on her body because it felt like she was about to die if she could not breathe. 

Her heart was racing as she struggled with the front door.  Eventually unlocking it, she stood there bent over, one hand on the door frame the other on the door-handle gasping for breath.  It was not enough she needed more air.  She stepped off the porch into the star-filled, night air onto the arid ground, which surrounded the wooden cottage.

And as though something was chasing her, she kept on running.  Running from whatever was behind her.  She did not stop running until dawn broke and discovered that she had come to the edge of the ravine.  There she stood in all her nakedness, looking over the edge, wondering if she should take that step over the edge and just end it all.  No one was going to miss her anyway, so what difference would it make if she stayed or if she left. 

The river below was calling to her to jump.  'Take the plunge, you will be free', it called out to her.  Free, free from the loneliness, free from the voices, free, just free, she thought. 

Her toes were now gripping the edge of the ravine and she could feel that if she just tilted her body slightly forward, then it would all be over, but something was holding her back.  It was the voice of reason telling her that, ending her life was not going to change the things that made her feel alone and that perhaps there were others just like her out there who were also feeling alone.  However, the strong voice of despair was getting louder and louder, and she just wanted to shut it up and so without any further hesitation she leaned forward and allowed gravity to take control. 

Her naked body plummeted down the gorge, scraping against the protruding rocks she eventually landed at the edge of the river.  Her body was all broken and torn but she was still alive.

'How could I survive such a fall', she wondered.  She lay there for hours thinking that if the fall did not end her life, then perhaps the hyenas would oblige, but they were nowhere in sight.

Eventually realising that early death was not an option at this stage; she managed to pull herself up from the river's edge.  Feeling a bit disoriented, she gathered her composure, and then slowly putting one foot in front of the other she headed in the direction of home, home to everything that she had left behind.  Only this time, she was going back to pack it all up and  head out to where there were people just like her, people who felt alone and afraid, and just maybe she could make a difference to their life and in so doing change her own.